ATX Baby

As most of you know... I am coming home in September (the 16th-23rd to be exact) and I am so excited!!! I can't wait to see everyone and spend time with my loved ones and support group. I am looking forward to sharing laughs, catching up on the past 5 months and eating some Tex-Mex which is the food I miss the most. Although I am excited, I am a bit worried as well. I feel like I've finally hit my stride here in Bangkok- I like my job more and more, I have more free time on my hands, Kim just finished her CELTA today and I have managed to make some truly amazing friends. I am afraid that I will get homesick all over again when I get back and not be able to enjoy my moments here in the same way. That being said, I know it's an attitude and mostly within my control but I am scared that I am just not going to want to be here anymore. It's a small fear and I am trying to focus on the good times that I will have with everyone and when I am back in Thailand. For some strange reason, I know that I am supposed to be here and that my time in this beautiful country isn't done...

Now I'll delve into my experience here a bit more. I have finally gotten a better handle on how I approach my days and that has made a HUGE difference. I not only feel more comfortable with teaching (it has been 3 months since I started) but I am just having a lot more fun with it. If a lesson doesn't go perfectly, then I'm taking what I can from it in order to do a better job next time. My hours have dropped quite a bit so I have more free time to do things and finally get some sleep! I'm working out, reading, visiting new parts of the city and spending more time with friends. It's all proper fun (which is my new favorite phrase).

I went to Hua Hin, which is a beach where the King lives, for a day trip a couple of weeks ago and that was really nice. It was good to get out of the hustle and bustle of the city and it actually made me appreciate Bangkok more. I (of course) got a weird sunburn, ran on the beach, drank a few beers and munched on fresh crab while there. I had my first bus experience in Thailand which is a lot like riding buses in Mexico and it was actually kind of fun, albeit hot.

That being said, I am still searching for balance in my life but I feel like I'm being much more honest with myself (and the people around me) than I've been able to do for a while now. I know that I am not going to teach English or live in Bangkok for the rest of my life, but I am finding my own sense of home in my skin and that has been so liberating. Life is pretty good right now so I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts and keep moving forward as best I can.

Love you all and can't wait to see you. The plan is to go to Polvo's on Saturday night and then to either the Mean Eyed Cat or G&S. Hope to see you all there! XOXO

Update

Thanks to everyone that has offered their support, warmth and love during my somewhat low and difficult times. You all have my admiration, devotion and ever-lasting friendship!

To update you about how I'm doing now- Well, I'm doing much better! Having Kim here has been a bit challenging (as predicted) but it has also been great! We are both getting used to have each other around again... then add in the fact that we're in a new city, with new jobs/studies and living together for the first time and its taking a bit of adjustment. :) But, it is so nice to have her here to explore Bangkok with, to share my everyday thoughts and to just chill out with after a long day, or week. She is about to finish the first week of her CELTA course and she's feeling stressed out by the workload. Having just been through it, I completely understand and I can't help but smile. I was SO THERE not long ago and I guess you just get through it, look back and have a little laugh about the good times and reflect on how much you've learned.

As far as the job goes... the situation hasn't gotten that much better but my attitude has. I am still working far too much but I am not putting as much pressure on myself. I am trying to just learn from it and have fun while doing so. I feel like I'm getting the hang of it a bit better but there are still extremely challenging moments. The whole thing has been great for me though! I have fully grasped the fact that my approach and mindframe is the largest contrubuting factor to happiness in any job (or life for that matter!). Of course there are other factors and I know this sounds really simple, but it has been something I've had to work really hard at accepting. It is quite liberating!

Bangkok is still a tough city to live in but I am getting more and more used to it all. I'm not as exhausted by the day anymore and I've managed to do some fun things as well. I hit golf balls at a driving range with friends yesterday, have seen a few movies, been bowling and I'm working out regularly. Last week, Kim and I went to Chinatown and visited Khao San Road (which is backpacker central and there are a lot of cool places like coffee shops and bars) and that was a lot of fun!

So, all in all, let's just say that I'm adjusting better. I have had a few moments in the past 2 weeks where I just think, 'I'm in Bangkok!' It intensely overwhelms me with strength, wonderment and pride. I can't believe that I actually did this and I become even more determined to enjoy each moment as much as possible.

I miss everyone a lot but know that I think about you all of the time. I hope you are all doing well and surviving the heat!

Always,
Sonya