Today is my last day in Bangkok and I am feeling pretty good about this goodbye. There are things that I will miss but I know that I am taking a step that is good for me and my overall health. I am very excited to come home... So excited that I haven't really even pictured what my trip to Australia will look like; I've been focusing more on Austin. I know I will have a great time so it isn't a worry for me, but figuring out what I will do once back in ATX is. I have some time to think about though...
Before I left, I made a small list of things I wasn't going to miss about Austin. It consisted of these 3 items:
1. Allergies
2. Dog hair
3. Making Tiffany's Christmas list because she can never come up with things she wants.
I haven't missed those things at all!
Here is my list of things I won't miss about Bangkok:
1. Pollution
2. Being sick
3. The sewer smell that permeates the air at all times.
4. The long hours and stress from teaching at International House
5. The interchange of trains at Siam
6. Drinking only bottled water
7. Not being able to flush toilet paper
8. The heat/constant sweat
9. Undulating sidewalks
10. Traffic
11. Dirty white guys
(The last two I may not be able to avoid once back in America, but at least it will be minimized.)
Here are the things that I will miss:
1. The people
2. Everywhere else in Thailand beside Bangkok
3. Thai food
Wow- my list of things that I will miss is pretty short when compared with the list of things I won't... There's proof that this is the right decision. :)
I love you all and hope you are having fantastic holidays. See you soon!!!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Goodbye to Bangkok!
I leave Bangkok for good on Saturday and I'm feeling anxious about it. I am very much looking forward to my trip to Australia but I still have no idea what I'm going to do after that. I'm pushing that aside for now but I know it's not something to be ignored and the time to face it will come. I am trying to think about what makes me happy, what interests me and then how I can make money at it. I am considering teaching back in the States as well. I really enjoyed the teaching part of my job and feel like I could do it happily for a long while. We'll just see I guess!
It is hard for me to say goodbye to everyone and it makes me incredibly sad. I have met some really great people and they have become my family while here and I'm going to miss them a lot. I know that these friendships won't die and that we will remain in touch, but I can honestly say that I have no idea when I will see them again and that is difficult information to sit with.
I am sad to say goodbye to Kim too. Although we didn't work out, I really care for her and it is painful for me to think about her being here, all by herself, trying to find happiness. Of course it is her decision to do so (or not) and I'm trying not to carry any of that responsibility but I do feel somewhat guilty because she chose to go to Bangkok because that's what I wanted. I am starting to mourn the loss of the relationship in a real way and that has been really difficult. I wish things could be different, but they aren't, so now I'm focusing on figuring out how to open my heart. I don't want to make the same mistake again and this is crucial for me to figure out if I'm ever going to be happy in a relationship.
There were certain things that I wanted to accomplish on my trip and I'm not sure that I've succeeded in that endeavor but I have learned so much none-the-less. I will always cherish this part of my life, be proud that I went for something this big and for being honest with myself about things that are hard to do so with. I have no regrets and although I have had some hard times here, I have gained an incredible amount as well. I'm not as scared as I used to be, I have confidence that I can do anything I want in this world and I value everything in my life in a completely different and more enhanced way. I am now able to cherish the little things easier, I view and hold my relationships with people as more rich, full and unconditional and I am thankful for every moment. I recognize the things that are important with greater clarity and I am willing, able and motivated to find my own happiness.
It is a bit overwhelming that this chapter is coming to a close because well, this has become my life- I am comfortable with it and it's what I'm used to. I am going back home, which is a place I know well, but I will still have to create a life again. I am excited that it will be shared with my friends and family but I know that it will still require a lot of work. I feel pretty confident that it will all work out well and that I will be fine, but the uncertainty is scary.
I love all of you and hope that you have a very Merry Christmas!
XOXO,
Sonya
It is hard for me to say goodbye to everyone and it makes me incredibly sad. I have met some really great people and they have become my family while here and I'm going to miss them a lot. I know that these friendships won't die and that we will remain in touch, but I can honestly say that I have no idea when I will see them again and that is difficult information to sit with.
I am sad to say goodbye to Kim too. Although we didn't work out, I really care for her and it is painful for me to think about her being here, all by herself, trying to find happiness. Of course it is her decision to do so (or not) and I'm trying not to carry any of that responsibility but I do feel somewhat guilty because she chose to go to Bangkok because that's what I wanted. I am starting to mourn the loss of the relationship in a real way and that has been really difficult. I wish things could be different, but they aren't, so now I'm focusing on figuring out how to open my heart. I don't want to make the same mistake again and this is crucial for me to figure out if I'm ever going to be happy in a relationship.
There were certain things that I wanted to accomplish on my trip and I'm not sure that I've succeeded in that endeavor but I have learned so much none-the-less. I will always cherish this part of my life, be proud that I went for something this big and for being honest with myself about things that are hard to do so with. I have no regrets and although I have had some hard times here, I have gained an incredible amount as well. I'm not as scared as I used to be, I have confidence that I can do anything I want in this world and I value everything in my life in a completely different and more enhanced way. I am now able to cherish the little things easier, I view and hold my relationships with people as more rich, full and unconditional and I am thankful for every moment. I recognize the things that are important with greater clarity and I am willing, able and motivated to find my own happiness.
It is a bit overwhelming that this chapter is coming to a close because well, this has become my life- I am comfortable with it and it's what I'm used to. I am going back home, which is a place I know well, but I will still have to create a life again. I am excited that it will be shared with my friends and family but I know that it will still require a lot of work. I feel pretty confident that it will all work out well and that I will be fine, but the uncertainty is scary.
I love all of you and hope that you have a very Merry Christmas!
XOXO,
Sonya
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Update
I've figured out my plans (for the most part) and it looks like I'll be home on February 8th/9th. Woohoo! I am so excited for my upcoming trip to Australia too!!!! I can hardly handle it. I am heading to Sydney on the 26th, to meet my Mom and Tom, and we are going to be there through the New Year. Kim joins us on New Year's Eve and then we are off to Cairns to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef. We also have a white water rafting trip and hike through the rainforest planned. Kim goes home on the 5th and we head to Ayer's Rock, which is a huge rock in the desert in the middle of Australia and it's a monumental part of the country. The plan is to hire a car and we are going to Alice Springs and King's Canyon through the 11th. At that point, my Mom and Tom head back to Sydney and I'm going to hop on a bus and head to Adelaide which is supposed to be this cool, hippy-type town with a great live music scene. I'm going to hang there for a few days, and then I fly to Brisbane, which has some of the best surfing in Australia. I'm not the greatest surfer in the world but I am determined to get up one more time in my life so this could be my chance!!!! :) Anyway, I will then go to the place that I am volunteering for a couple of weeks- I found a meditation retreat that will take me on... I am so excited! Here's the web address if you want to check it out: www.upc.com.au. It is surrounded by mountains and its supposed to be quite peaceful. It's just the kind of break I was hoping for. I am really looking forward to some down time where I can collect my thoughts and relax a bit. I have to work 4-6 hours/day but that doesn't seem that bad considering I'm getting room and board taken care of. I will head back to Sydney on the 27th or so and then I'm flying back to Bangkok on the 2nd. I will be here for Kim's birthday, for Debbie's (Joann's sister) 40th and hopefully, I will get to see everyone one last time. I also get to leave some stuff here which is incredibly helpful!
My last day of work is on Saturday and I'm really happy that this day has come. I feel good about the decision I made and that it's the right one for me. It has been tough to say goodbye to all of my students and a bit strained between my boss and I but everyone ultimately understands. It was pretty funny to have one of my student's Mom look me up and down the other day and tell me that I don't look sick. Oh, I'm sorry- I didn't know you were a doctor! Do you want to know all of my symptoms or should we just move on? :)
I'm pretty well packed in my mind to leave this place but my stuff is a different story. I'm stressed about it but I'm sure I can get it all taken care of next week so I'm trying not to be too stressed.
That's it for now! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your holidays. I'm sending you some Christmas cheer, smiles and good times.
XOXO,
Sonya
My last day of work is on Saturday and I'm really happy that this day has come. I feel good about the decision I made and that it's the right one for me. It has been tough to say goodbye to all of my students and a bit strained between my boss and I but everyone ultimately understands. It was pretty funny to have one of my student's Mom look me up and down the other day and tell me that I don't look sick. Oh, I'm sorry- I didn't know you were a doctor! Do you want to know all of my symptoms or should we just move on? :)
I'm pretty well packed in my mind to leave this place but my stuff is a different story. I'm stressed about it but I'm sure I can get it all taken care of next week so I'm trying not to be too stressed.
That's it for now! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your holidays. I'm sending you some Christmas cheer, smiles and good times.
XOXO,
Sonya
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Coming Home!
So, most of you know by now, but I'm coming home soon! I put in my two-weeks last Sunday and everything has been moving at a really fast pace since. I am preparing my departure and can't believe that I've collected so much stuff since I've been here. Luckily, I have been able to find good homes for most of my things and it hasn't been too hard. I am really excited to come home but the decision has definitely been bittersweet. I am trying to hold space for both emotions at the same time which is quite the challenge!
Kim and I broke up over a month ago and that has been really hard. I know that it was the best thing to do in the situation but it has been hard for both of us. I haven't been able to be open/available in the relationship for some time now, particularly since she's been in Thailand. I have also been tending to my own emotional turmoil which has taken up the majority of my energy and strength... Then add in the stress of a new job that requires a lot of my time, living in a new country, in a HUGE city, away from my support group and it was just more than I could bear. We have had some difficult days but the bottom line is that we both truly care for each other and I hope that we are great friends someday.
The main reason I have decided to come home is because I have been sick for almost 5 months now. Without getting into the gory details, I have had stomach issues and I've been to the doctor 8 times but they've been unable to properly diagnose the problem. According to my blood tests and everything else, I am healthy, in good shape and have no problems, but I just can't seem to get better. So, they have treated me for a myriad of options and I'm constantly taking some sort of pill but there hasn't been any improvement. With that being the case, I feel like it's a good idea to come home and take care of this there.
That being said, everything else has been weighing on me greatly... The illness is probably just what moved this whole situation into the completely unmanageable realm. Work has drained me since I've started and although I've gotten a lot better, the hours never seem to reduce and it has constantly overwhelmed my life. Jeff, my best friend here in Bangkok, left to go back home and it was been really hard without him here. He is someone I will always be friends with- he's got my back, I've got his; we talk about everything or nothing; have a similar approach to life; and we like to have a good laugh. His friendship has been the most valuable thing I've gained from this trip. I already miss him.
I'm sure you're wondering what's next... Honestly, I have no idea and that freaks me out! I am going to Australia on the trip to meet my Mom and Tom and well, I'm just not going back to Thailand. I have decided to stay in Australia for a bit longer than them and volunteer at an organice farm for a couple of weeks. The farm owners will provide me with room and board which is a cheap way to stay in the country and it's summer there so it should be gorgeous. I'm thinking somewhere along the east coast so that I can enjoy the ocean and mountains at the same time. I'm looking forward to relaxing, eating clean and healthy food and getting my thoughts together before heading home. I'm not sure when I will be back in Austin, but it should be the latter part of January-the beginning of February.
I'll just figure everything else out when I get home... I have a few options on the table and although they are mostly temporary things, they are enticing in their own ways. As far as my overall future, I still haven't figured that one out and I'm ok with that for now. I know that this is the best decision for me, right now, and that's all I can know so I'm sitting in that place as comfortably as possible. I am so excited to see everyone! By the time I get back, I'll have been gone for 10-11 months and that really does feel like forever.
You are all in my thoughts and I carry you in my heart.
Much love,
Sonya
Kim and I broke up over a month ago and that has been really hard. I know that it was the best thing to do in the situation but it has been hard for both of us. I haven't been able to be open/available in the relationship for some time now, particularly since she's been in Thailand. I have also been tending to my own emotional turmoil which has taken up the majority of my energy and strength... Then add in the stress of a new job that requires a lot of my time, living in a new country, in a HUGE city, away from my support group and it was just more than I could bear. We have had some difficult days but the bottom line is that we both truly care for each other and I hope that we are great friends someday.
The main reason I have decided to come home is because I have been sick for almost 5 months now. Without getting into the gory details, I have had stomach issues and I've been to the doctor 8 times but they've been unable to properly diagnose the problem. According to my blood tests and everything else, I am healthy, in good shape and have no problems, but I just can't seem to get better. So, they have treated me for a myriad of options and I'm constantly taking some sort of pill but there hasn't been any improvement. With that being the case, I feel like it's a good idea to come home and take care of this there.
That being said, everything else has been weighing on me greatly... The illness is probably just what moved this whole situation into the completely unmanageable realm. Work has drained me since I've started and although I've gotten a lot better, the hours never seem to reduce and it has constantly overwhelmed my life. Jeff, my best friend here in Bangkok, left to go back home and it was been really hard without him here. He is someone I will always be friends with- he's got my back, I've got his; we talk about everything or nothing; have a similar approach to life; and we like to have a good laugh. His friendship has been the most valuable thing I've gained from this trip. I already miss him.
I'm sure you're wondering what's next... Honestly, I have no idea and that freaks me out! I am going to Australia on the trip to meet my Mom and Tom and well, I'm just not going back to Thailand. I have decided to stay in Australia for a bit longer than them and volunteer at an organice farm for a couple of weeks. The farm owners will provide me with room and board which is a cheap way to stay in the country and it's summer there so it should be gorgeous. I'm thinking somewhere along the east coast so that I can enjoy the ocean and mountains at the same time. I'm looking forward to relaxing, eating clean and healthy food and getting my thoughts together before heading home. I'm not sure when I will be back in Austin, but it should be the latter part of January-the beginning of February.
I'll just figure everything else out when I get home... I have a few options on the table and although they are mostly temporary things, they are enticing in their own ways. As far as my overall future, I still haven't figured that one out and I'm ok with that for now. I know that this is the best decision for me, right now, and that's all I can know so I'm sitting in that place as comfortably as possible. I am so excited to see everyone! By the time I get back, I'll have been gone for 10-11 months and that really does feel like forever.
You are all in my thoughts and I carry you in my heart.
Much love,
Sonya
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