Coming Home!

So, most of you know by now, but I'm coming home soon! I put in my two-weeks last Sunday and everything has been moving at a really fast pace since. I am preparing my departure and can't believe that I've collected so much stuff since I've been here. Luckily, I have been able to find good homes for most of my things and it hasn't been too hard. I am really excited to come home but the decision has definitely been bittersweet. I am trying to hold space for both emotions at the same time which is quite the challenge!

Kim and I broke up over a month ago and that has been really hard. I know that it was the best thing to do in the situation but it has been hard for both of us. I haven't been able to be open/available in the relationship for some time now, particularly since she's been in Thailand. I have also been tending to my own emotional turmoil which has taken up the majority of my energy and strength... Then add in the stress of a new job that requires a lot of my time, living in a new country, in a HUGE city, away from my support group and it was just more than I could bear. We have had some difficult days but the bottom line is that we both truly care for each other and I hope that we are great friends someday.

The main reason I have decided to come home is because I have been sick for almost 5 months now. Without getting into the gory details, I have had stomach issues and I've been to the doctor 8 times but they've been unable to properly diagnose the problem. According to my blood tests and everything else, I am healthy, in good shape and have no problems, but I just can't seem to get better. So, they have treated me for a myriad of options and I'm constantly taking some sort of pill but there hasn't been any improvement. With that being the case, I feel like it's a good idea to come home and take care of this there.

That being said, everything else has been weighing on me greatly... The illness is probably just what moved this whole situation into the completely unmanageable realm. Work has drained me since I've started and although I've gotten a lot better, the hours never seem to reduce and it has constantly overwhelmed my life. Jeff, my best friend here in Bangkok, left to go back home and it was been really hard without him here. He is someone I will always be friends with- he's got my back, I've got his; we talk about everything or nothing; have a similar approach to life; and we like to have a good laugh. His friendship has been the most valuable thing I've gained from this trip. I already miss him.

I'm sure you're wondering what's next... Honestly, I have no idea and that freaks me out! I am going to Australia on the trip to meet my Mom and Tom and well, I'm just not going back to Thailand. I have decided to stay in Australia for a bit longer than them and volunteer at an organice farm for a couple of weeks. The farm owners will provide me with room and board which is a cheap way to stay in the country and it's summer there so it should be gorgeous. I'm thinking somewhere along the east coast so that I can enjoy the ocean and mountains at the same time. I'm looking forward to relaxing, eating clean and healthy food and getting my thoughts together before heading home. I'm not sure when I will be back in Austin, but it should be the latter part of January-the beginning of February.

I'll just figure everything else out when I get home... I have a few options on the table and although they are mostly temporary things, they are enticing in their own ways. As far as my overall future, I still haven't figured that one out and I'm ok with that for now. I know that this is the best decision for me, right now, and that's all I can know so I'm sitting in that place as comfortably as possible. I am so excited to see everyone! By the time I get back, I'll have been gone for 10-11 months and that really does feel like forever.

You are all in my thoughts and I carry you in my heart.

Much love,
Sonya